just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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