just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
