I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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