Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
