He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
