Don't make out with my wife yet
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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