Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
