hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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