Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Never underestimate the power of titties
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