so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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