alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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