I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
