I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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