I showed him my bush... on skype.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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