I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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