were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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