explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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