dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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