A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Damn victory sex feels great
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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