im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
