Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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