Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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