You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
