Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
