just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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