I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
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Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
where are my pants?
in the oven.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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