Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
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It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize