What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You may now shotgun with the bride
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
