i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
