If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
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I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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