Will you blow on my dice?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
