Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
