I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
