I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
no more duck duck goose at the bar
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
