Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
