Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
