Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
