I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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