i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
