Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
