Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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