Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
