I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
