I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
