Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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