wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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