GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
