When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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