It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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