What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
