ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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