if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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