what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize