dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
