your thong is hanging out like whoa
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We need a shit load of segways right now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
