in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Maybe he injected his testicle?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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