we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
