I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
