Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
