pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
