Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
