I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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