Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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