Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
