he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
