we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
