so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
