just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
