Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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