I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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