You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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