just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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