We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
